If I were a Boy
by KissMeJamesYouGotItBlondie
Summary: Jenny, Sarah and Abby have been left to run the ARC and quite frankly, it's falling to pieces! This is what happens when Nick, Danny and Connor have to go chasing after Helen Cutter because she's messing up everything!
1. I Think I Could Understand

**If I were a Boy:**

**Chapter One: Every Now and Then I Fall Apart**

Jenny sat in her office, her face hidden behind the giant pile of paperwork she had to get through in the next few hours before Lester expected her to run a few tests on the ADD and the Locking Mechanism. She peered around the side of her giant pile and saw Sarah and Abby in similar situations.

She sighed and returned to her file. The words seemed to run into one and no matter how many times she tried to read the same line, it made no sense. She screeches and dropped her head into her arms.

"What?" Sarah said, running into the office after hearing her friends scream. Jenny didn't look up and she heard her friend approach and tug on her black dress, which she was wearing with tights. Her face was the opposite of her outfit: completely casual and bare of make-up. She had tried to do something with her hair, but in the end it had failed miserably and it hung, wavy, around her shoulders and down her back

"Jenny?" She heard, soft in her ear, and Sarah patted her on the shoulder, "Jenny speak to me!"

"Is she OK?" Jenny head Abby ask, her voice sounded weak and Jenny noticed that she wasn't the only worn out one here. They, all three of them, were under extreme amounts of pressure. Nick, Connor and Danny had been gone for three weeks today, and they had left a tremendous amount of paperwork in their wake, not to mention three women with incredibly heavy hearts and incredibly short emotional spans, at the moment.

Jenny raised her head, slowly, and looked at her friends.

She barely recognised them. Sarah's eyes were darker than usual, underlined by the large bags that had started to form. They were constantly red now, as if she were always crying. Jenny knew, from looking in the mirror, that she looked exactly the same. She didn't know about Sarah, but she had been crying.

Abby's eyes were wide, as they always were now, as if she were on constant alert for something dangerous or strange. Her body was constantly upright and she never relaxed. She sat in her office, going through and through Connor's work and trying to figure out the complicated workings of her flatmates mind. She had confided in Jenny, a while back, how she felt about Connor and Jenny could see the way Sarah felt about Danny.

They were all in the same boat.

"Hi," She said, simply, pushing hair out of her face and looking back down at her paperwork.

"Jenny," Sarah said, yanking a pile of paperwork from the desk despite Jenny's protests, "Let us help you!" And she turned on her heels and marched out of the office, with Abby following her.

"Sarah!" Jenny called, but when her friend didn't turn around, Jenny shoved herself up from the desk with a groan. She followed her friend into Sarah's office, where Abby had perched on the desk, and leaned on the door.

"Sarah, give me back that pile of paperwork!" Jenny said, her head in her hand.

"Nope!" Sarah said, simply, slipping a pair of glasses on her face and looking down at the files in front of her.

"Sarah, I don't wanna argue with you!" Jenny said, quickly, stomping her foot on the floor.

"Well, Then don't!" Sarah snapped, standing up and slamming her hands on the desk.

"Whoa!" Abby cautioned, standing up and holding up her hands, "Guys, we can't fight!"

"Sarah, you have enough to be getting on with!" Jenny said and Sarah raised her eyebrows. Jenny mimicked her and walked forwards, attempting to take the pile back, but Sarah placed a strong hand on top.

"And you don't?" She challenged her friend and Jenny rolled her eyes, digging her hands beneath the pile and attempting to pull them from her friend, stubbornly, sending the pile flying in all directions when Sarah dived for them.

"See! Well done!" Sarah said, harshly.

"Aaaaargh!" Jenny exclaimed, frustrated. She turned on her heels and stormed out of the room. Sarah and Abby exchanged a shocked look and then, leaving the files on the tiled floor, followed her. Jenny went into her office and yanked her long, cream coat from the back of her chair, pulling it on roughly and shoving her arm in the wrong hole.

"Jenny!" Sarah said, rushing in and standing in front of her friend, "Jenny, where are you going?" She asked, worriedly and Jenny just looked at her.

"Jen," Abby pleaded, "Don't be like this!"

"Like what?" She yelled, making her friends jump, "I'm sorry OK! I'm sorry that I didn't stop Connor and Danny from leaving and following Helen! I'm sorry that I can't know everything that went on in Connor's mind!" She turned to Sarah, "I'm sorry you didn't get to tell Danny how you feel about him before they left! I'm sorry about all of that!"

She pushed past her friends, who didn't try to stop her, understanding how she felt. Jenny stopped at the door and looked back at her friends, who looked up at her sadly.

"But you know what I'm most sad about?" She said, slowly and her friends took a step towards her, "I'm sorry that I'm not Cutter!"

She grabbed her bag from the chair beside the door and stormed off along the corridors, leaving Sarah and Abby to exchange a worried glance before they each grabbed a pile of her work and went back to Sarah's office, determined to take some of the burden off Jenny's shoulders.

Jenny hurried towards the nearest car park and rooted in her coat pocket as she went. She found what she had been looking for and extracted a cigarette from the expensive packet she had purchased that morning. She shoved it into her mouth before she reached the doors and frantically tried to light it, finally succeeding and taking a long, deep drag.

She sighed when she reached the car park and began to pace. The cigarette calmed her and she remembered her clever little piece of logic: If you convinced yourself they were calming you, you would become calm. She tried to force her face into a smile, failing miserably as she did so. She stopped pacing, her best coat swaying around her legs and her face turned up to the ceiling of the car park.

She closed her eyes and breathed out a long puff of smoke, making it drag out. She folded one arm across her stomach and flicked the ash from the end of her cigarette, taking another long drag afterwards. She finished her cigarette and, still not feeling like going inside, she turned away from the doors and started walking towards the ramp that led to the highest level.

When she neared the wall, she aimed a good kick and earned herself what she was sure was a broken ankle. She was also sure she was overreacting and didn't have so much as a limp. She kicked the wall twice again before sinking to her knees and beginning to sob.

She never cried in front of her friends and she tried to hold her emotions in as much as possible, which was why she was so frustrated with herself. She had allowed herself to become angry and upset towards her friends, which was something she tried so desperately not to do!

It wasn't just herself she felt angry at. She felt angry at Lester for being so inconsiderate and bloody selfish, making her do all of her own work along with Nicks and Danny's. She had made Sarah and Abby share only Connor's work, because they had their own work to do. She was angry at Helen, who was just someone that everyone was angry at at the moment, because she was the reason Connor, Nick and Danny had gone missing. And she was angry at Nick, Connor and Danny for leaving them, which she knew was selfish, but she couldn't find it in herself to care!

About a month ago, they had found an artefact. It was just a strange object to Jenny and she hadn't thought anything of it, until Nick started spending all of his time in his office with the stupid thing. Even when there was an anomaly call, he wouldn't come, refusing and demanding to stay with the artefact. Then, Helen had turned up and tried to burn down the ARC with Nick trapped inside. Jenny, luckily, had gone in after him and it had been quite an intimate few moments before she'd been able to get Becker and Danny, who had just been an annoying policeman who happened to be in the ARC at the time, along with Connor to carry him out.

He had spent a week in hospital and the moment he got up, he demanded that they follow Helen wherever they could, so when they found an Anomaly in Christine Johnsons HQ, he had been convinced that it led to wherever Helen was. And, the day after they found the anomaly, they had been called to the HQ where Christine was being tortured be Helen.

Helen had forced Christine through the anomaly and they had tried to follow, unfortunately, Helen closed the anomaly. Nick, though had taken a reading from the model and was certain that the anomaly led to the future. So when, only hours later, an anomaly opened to the same location, Jenny had been convinced it was a trap. Nick, however, had pushed her pleas for him to stay aside and left anyway.

_"Nick!" She said, running forwards and roughly grabbing his arm, making him look at her._

_"Nick, I've got a really bad feeling about this!" She had seen a flicker of something in his eyes and hope had been ignited in her for a millisecond before he turned back to the anomaly._

_"I'll be fine!" He said, not looking at her, and she was sure she heard a slight sob in her voice. She had stumbled forwards only to be held back by one of Lester's soldiers on Nick's command._

_"Get them, too!" Connor had said, pointing to Sarah and Abby, who he seemed unable to look at, "Don't let them through!"_

_"NO!" Sarah had yelled, being held back by one of the taller soldiers and aiming kicks for his shins._

_"CONNOR!" Abby screamed and he turned away from her, tears in his eyes, "CONNOR YOU LOOK AT ME!"_

_He turned to her, reluctantly and looked into her eyes._

_"You don't leave…" She stopped struggling, "Until you kiss me!"_

_The soldier had let his guard down and she was able to yank herself from his grip and run forwards, throwing her arms around Connors neck and kissing him with as much passion as was humanely possible. He flushed when she pulled away and smiled, awkwardly at her._

_"Come back!" She pleaded, leaning her forehead against his as she caught her breath. He nodded, stiffly, turned and practically ran through the anomaly._

_Jenny had caught Nick's eyes from where she was being detained and she was certain she saw more than he let on in the slight, pained nod and wink he gave her. She let her head drop as sobs wracked her body and a moment later, she had been dropped to the floor, where she sat, unmoving._

When she looked up next, the anomaly had gone.

That had been three weeks ago and there was no sign of the boys. Jenny knew she should stay positive, but she was beginning to lose hope.

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**What do you think? I'd really like to update this, but I wont unless I get your opinions!**  
**Please review! Thank you, hope you enjoy it!**

**Stephanie x **


	2. I Know How It Hurts

**If I were a BoyChapter Two: You got a Friend**

Jenny woke up and it was dark. She blinked as her eyes adjusted to the light and saw three figures in front of her. In the first second, she felt her heart leap. Then she realised that they were all wrong. It wasn't Nick, Connor and Danny.

"Jenny!" Sarah chastised her friend, wrapping her own coat around Jenny's shoulders. Jenny hadn't realised, until then, that she was cold, but when she did realise, she began to shiver relentlessly and her teeth began to chatter.

"What on earth were you doing out here?" She heard Abby ask, incredulously and she blinked her friend into focus to see that Abby's crystal blue eyes were worried and anxious. As Jenny looked into Abby's eyes, so blue, her heart began to ache for another blue eyed, blond haired someone and she just shook her head, unable to answer Abby's question.

Her friend seemed to take pity on her and said no more, wrapping her arms around her and leading her inside as Sarah smiled up, gratefully at Becker.

"Thanks for helping us find her!" She said and Becker smiled down at her.

"None of us have it easy at the moment!" Becker said under his breath, but Jenny heard, "Jenny least of all!"

They entered the ARC and Jenny felt warmth and light wash over her body, though it was only skin deep and didn't reach her soul, where she still felt very dark and very cold. She pulled her own coat further around her and handed Sarah's back to her friend.

"What time is it?" She asked, feeling like a patient in a mental home from the way they looked at her and the way they spoke to her. She suddenly felt embarrassed and rubbed at her eyes discreetly, trying to remove all evidence that she had been crying. She knew that her friends saw, but they were kind about it and didn't comment.

"It's almost half ten, sweetie!" Sarah said and Jenny looked at her in disbelief.

"I've been asleep for nearly four hours?" She asked, incredulously and she felt a shiver go up her spine, "I've been out there for nearly four hours?" She corrected herself.

"Yeah…" Abby said, cautiously, obviously spying a possible Jenny-mood swing on the horizon, and Jenny took pity on her. For Abby's benefit, she let a smile light her face, though she knew it didn't quite reach her eyes.

"Thanks, guys!" She said and they shared a look.

"Jenny," Sarah said, as if explaining something, "We would have looked for you earlier, but we thought you'd gone home! It was only when Becker was leaving that he went into the car park and saw your car…he came back to ask us if we'd seen you and we said no! Then we found a lighter by the ramp to the upper level…and we thought…"

"Yeah," Jenny said, answering their unasked question, "It was mine! I've been smoking…on and off for years, but recently…since, well, you know…" She trailed off, and she saw understanding rise on each face.

"We've all got habits, Jen, and things that we do when we're nervous or stressed!" Becker said, gently, rubbing her shoulder softly.

"Guilty!" Sarah said, holding up her hands to show Jenny almost none-existent nails.

"Ditto!" Abby said, smiling and holding up a mug of coffee, "I think I'm addicted to the stuff, and I never used to drink coffee! Do you know how bad this is for you!" She said, though as she spoke, she took a huge gulp.

"You know…I don't know how I'd get by without you lot!" Jenny said, with a small smile. Becker pulled her closer and hugged her, affectionately, and she smiled when she felt Sarah and Abby's arms go round her too. It felt like home. At last, she believed that no matter what, as long as they had each other, they would be alright!

"Um…I have to get back to work!" Jenny said, shrugging off her coat and walking towards her office. She had barely taken a step when Abby grabbed her arm.

"You are kidding, Jenny?" She said, but Jenny looked at her confused and when Abby offered no explanation, she looked past her to Sarah.

"Jenny," Sarah explained, "It's nearly eleven o'clock! We said this not ten minutes ago!" She said and Jenny shrugged.

"So, If I don't get my work done tonight, I never will!" She said, turning back towards her office and walking down the coridor. When she stepped into her office, she had to check the name plate on the door. Jennifer Lewis. The place was unrecognisable. The surfaces were white and clean and there wasn't a peice of paper in sight. Jenny gasped and felt tears come to her eyes at this tiny, yet effective gesture.

She turned towards the door and leaned on it. Abby and Sarah were the best friends she ever could have asked for! She honestly had no idea how she would have done this without them! She felt sure that, without Abby and Sarah there to help her, she would have completely fallen to pieces a long time ago. With them there, it was happening slowly but surely. She knew that, one day, she would crack. They all would. But she also knew that, when that day came, she would have her friends and they would have her. If they stuck together...

She stepped out again and saw Sarah, Abby and Becker standing in the coridor, leaning on the wall.

"Thank you!" She said, genuinely grateful and Abby shrugged.

"Anytime!" Her friend said, with a very Abby-ish grin that Jenny hadn't seen for a while. She smiled back at her friend and felt tears coming to her eyes.

"I guess," She said, in a choked voice, "That I'd better go home then!"

And without looking at her friends, she took off back down the corridor towards the car park. When she climbed into her car, she punched the steering wheel violently, angry with herself for everything and so overwhelmed with every imaginable emotion that she felt as if she would explode.

She had to pull it together. They could only fall apart one at a time, she decided, and she'd had her turn today. She couldn't let that happen again or she felt she would die of shame. Her friends had never seen that side of Jenny, and as she took of down the nearest side road, she promised herself that they never would again.

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**This is for xCakeyxClickx who reviewed the first chapter!**

**Thank you for your enthusiastic and lovely review! This chapter is for you!**

**Stephanie xxx **


	3. Swear I'd be a Better Man

**If I were a BoyChapter Three: Let Me Go Home**

"Come on, Connor, Keep moving!" Nick urged, pushing Connor in the back as he climbed the steep mountain. Danny was up ahead and Nick was feeling his way blindly, since darkness had fallen.

"Did I ever mention my enormous fear of heights?" Connor said, his voice shaking slightly. From somewhere far above, Nick heard Danny chuckle.

"Yep, Connor, you might have mentioned it!" Nick said, his nerves near breaking point, "Now MOVE!"

From somewhere behind him, Nick heard the screech of a Pteranadon, or maybe it was a Pterodactyl! Whatever it was, Nick knew it probably wanted to eat them. Connor heard it to, and suddenly Nick felt tugging on the rope that bound them together and glancing upwards, thought the gloom, he could see that Connor was climbing swiftly. Nick had to climb as fast as he could to keep up with him.

He heard the screeching again and Nick launched himself to one side. The Pterodactly's beak crashed into the rock and Nick gasped as it shattered. He began to climb even faster, but the huge reptilian bird kept coming and attacking swiftly. He aimed a kick and knocked the reptile out of focus for a second before it reared in for the attack. Nick felt tugging on his rope and began climbing once more. The huge bird swooped and the edge of it's beak caught Nick's leg, tearing a huge gash and causing Nick to yell out in pain. necked

"Come on Professor!" Called Connor from the top, where he was tugging relentlessly on the ropes. Danny was rooting around in his bag and a moment later, he swerved to face the huge predator, firing at the beast. It jolted and screeched but the gash on it's wing had wounded it and it began to fly in the opposite direction, leaving Nick trying to climb with a torn leg.

"Danny," Connor called, sounding out of breath, "A little help over here!"

Danny dropped the gun and jogged to Connor's side, grasping the rope and yaking. Between Connor and Danny on top of the cliff and Nick doing his best to push himself up with his good leg, they managed to get him pulled onto the ledge.

"You alright?" Connor asked, when Nick collapsed on the ground and clutched his leg.

"Yeah, Connor, never better!" He snapped, and Connor looked appropriately guilty before going and getting Danny's bag. Danny ripped his shirt and tied it around the area above the gash before Connor dressed the wound gently.

"Can you walk?" Danny asked, and Nick nodded, though when he attempted to stand, his leg buckled in protest.

"That would be a no, then!" Connor said, unhelpfully, and the older men shared a look.

"Yeah," Nick said, sitting himself more comfortably against a rock, "Well, I'm not as young as I used to be!" He closed his eyes, slowly, and focused on his ears when Danny began to speak in hushed tones to Connor.

"He can't walk far!"

"Yeah," Connor snapped, "Thanks for pointing that out, Danny! But we can't stay on this ledge either, or we'll be reptile munchies!"

"OK, stay with him! I'm gonna scout for a cave or something!" Nick heard the shuffling of feet and then the crunching of fabric. He opened his eyes and Connor had hold of Danny's arm.

"Be careful, and don't take to long!" He warned, his eyes dangerous and scared at the same time. Danny looked pointedly down at his arm and Connor let go, but his eyes stayed fixed on Danny's face. Danny smiled slowly.

"Wont promise nothing!" He said, and he slapped Connor on the arm in a manly way before turning and running off in the opposite direction.

"How you feeling?" Connor asked, without looking at Nick and Nick smiled to himself.

"I'm alright!" He lied, trying to force himself into an upright position and feeling a shoting pain go up his back, he winced, Connor saw and rushed to his side, "I'm fine!" Nick protested.

"What hurts?" Connor asked, fussing.

"Oh, you know, just about everything!" Nick said, quietly, leaning back when Connor stripped his jacket and put it behind his mentor, gently, "Thanks, Connor!"

"No problem, Professor!"

Nick looked up in surprise. It had been about two years since Connor had called him professor. Now, the man…whoa! Nick had to look again.

Connor, the student who had been nothing more than that. A dopey, debt ridden student, had turned into a man! He had grown before Nick's eyes and it had taken him up till now to notice. Nick felt an ache in his heart that he thought a father must feel when he realises there must come a time when his son must leave home.

"Connor," Nick said, looking into the younger mans eyes and putting on a brave face, "That was some kiss between you and Abby!"

None of them had mentioned the goodbye's since they had happened, but Nick knew that it was on each of their minds constantly, and they could all feel the tension when confronted with the need to talk of it.

"Yeah," Connor said, looking baffled and pleased with himself at the same time.

"So, when we get back…?"

"Yeah, well, wont that be awkward!" Connor said, in mock laughter.

Nick had to admit, he felt exactly the same way. If Connor and Abby's reunion was going to be awkward, Nick felt it would be nothing compared to the icy welcome he expected from Jenny. He sighed, which Connor misinterpreted as a yawn.

"Yeah, I'm tired to!" He said, and he lay down on the floor. Soon, Nick could hear his soft, rhythmic breathing.

"Please," He pleaded with the stars that hung above them, "Please, let us find a way back home!


End file.
